Window Cleaner

10 June 1997 - WINDOW CLEANER

I've got a new job as a window cleaner. I had a bit of trouble yesterday: I ran out of water while cleaning the windows of a particularly rich customer.

I didn't want to disappoint him by not being able to clean the windows, so I created the impression that they were super-clean by breaking all of them with stones. I would have probably got away with it, but the customer wanted to know why I had replaced the frosted glass in his bathroom with clear.

11 June 1997 - WINDOW CLEANER

You wouldn't believe the things I see - when I'm cleaning windows. Last night I was cleaning Patrick Moore's bedroom windows, and caught sight of the popular astrologer peddling his exercise bike - completely naked!

I didn't want to be sick, so I tried scaring Moore out of his bedroom by hammering on the window and pretending to be a vampire. He didn't seem at all scared. He just looked really confused and upset.

12 June 1997 - WINDOW CLEANER

I got arrested last night for accidentally painting someone's windows with tar. I'd picked up the wrong bucket when I'd left the house, and didn't notice I was using tar instead of water on the windows.

Apparently the person living in the house couldn't work out why her clock was telling her it was daytime, while her windows were indicating it was night. She didn't know whether to sleep or get up, and became distressed and fell off the bed.

Diary Index | Previous | Next

Home