The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Brass Band


14 August 2001 - BRASS BAND

Hello. I've got a new job playing drums in a big brass band tiddle-om-pom-pom. It's my job to hit my big bass drum in time with the trumpets tiddle-umpet-fumpuss.

However, my first public performance didn't go too well, when I somehow missed my bass drum completely, and walloped flautist Garth Ankle in the eye with my special hitting stick.

The bad thing was, I kept doing it, and by the end of the performance, Garth was little more than a pulp, lying crumpled in the gutter.

15 August 2001 - BRASS BAND

It's a lot of fun playing a big bass drum in a brass band, but I sometimes feel that my choice of instrument is making me something of a social pariah among my wind instrument-playing peers.

For instance, last night, I tried to speak to a group of trumpet players, and one of them rammed a fist through the skin of my drum, and another took my drumsticks and drooled on them.

I tried to laugh it off, but nobody else was laughing. In fact, they were swearing and throwing bricks at me.

16 August 2001 - BRASS BAND

It's not so much fun playing in a big brass band. In fact, it's really rubbish. My fellow bandmates make me sleep inside my drum at night, while they get expensive-looking "ham-mocks".

Not only that, but they get to sleep in their ham-mocks in the relative safety of a meadow, whereas I'm forced to bunk in the gorilla enclosure of a local zoo.

Also, the gorilla, Foynt, spends all night hammering on the skin of my drum with a toy cutlass.

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