The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Monkey Salesman


30 August 2001 - MONKEY SALESMAN

I've got a new job as a door-to-door monkey salesman. It's hard work, but very rewarding. At least, that's what I initially thought before one of the chimpanzees broke out of my suitcase, and tore off the left half of my face.

Unfortunately, I couldn't afford reconstructive surgery, so I've just sort of glued a bit of carrier bag to the damaged area.

It doesn't look so bad. In fact, one of my friends said I look pretty cool. And he should know – he's a courier!

31 August 2001 - MONKEY SALESMAN

It's a lot of fun being a door-to-door monkey salesman. However, I have yet to sell a single monkey. I spoke to my franchise supervisor, who recommends that I try a less forceful approach, and stop posting branded spider-monkeys through people's letterboxes.

"Softly, softly sellee monkey", I was told. However, my first attempt at a less aggressive selling strategy backfired when – during one sales pitch – the mandrill managed to get out of my suitcase and maul half my chest to pieces.

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