22 October 1999 - LOCAL GP
I've got a new job as a doctor in a small surgery on the outskirts of a small village called Cabbage. It's a lot of fun being a doctor, except when I have to deal with people who aren't very well. To this end I've erected a large screen on my desk, which is intended to prevent airborne germs from infecting me.
Also, I have constructed a remote examination device from a couple of wooden spoons tied to a broom, with a pair of rubber gloves on the end. Using this I should be able to examine patients from 10 feet away.
25 October 1999 - LOCAL GP
I quite like being a doctor, but my lack of medical qualifications is beginning to make my job difficult. Last night, a man came in with a very red face. My immediate reaction was to throw a bucket of water over him, because I assumed he was about to explode.
Unfortunately, he was less than impressed, and explained that his beetroot complexion was down to high blood pressure, brought about by a diet of salt and oil. I couldn't find any blood medicene in the surgery, so I administered a dose of laxatives.