3 August 1995 - SQUATTERS
Right. Well, I got back from the Earth's core, and guess what - squatters have taken over my house.
I've tried to reason with them by offering to put on a variety benefit for them, but they responded by forcing my bathroom scales out of the Chim - the big chimney!
I've spoken to the police, but they just blow-off down the phone at me.
5 August 1995 - SQUATTERS
My Trojan dimple plan didn't work. Firstly, instead of the squatters dragging the dimple in through the door, they set it alight, and sent it rolling down the hill.
When it reached the bottom, it crashed through the window of Mr 3D's butcher's shop. Mr 3D thoght it was a police raid, and smashed it to pieces with a concrete cylinder.
7 August 1995 - SQUATTERS
I've devised a new plan to evict the squatters.
I'm going to erect a giant film screen around the house, and bombard them with images of frightened animals.
I was up all night shooting the footage. I broke into a farm and, dressed as a Greek god, ran into the stables and banged two pieces of wood together. You should have seen their faces - it was hilarious!