28 January 1999 - ANIMAL ORCHESTRA
I hired an animal trainer to see if he could get the members of my animal orchestra to behave. When he saw how I tried to force a clarinet into the goat's mouth, and how I'd Sellotaped a pair of drum sticks to a spider monkey's hands, he was appalled, and threatened to call the authorities.
At this point I realised there was only one way to prevent a hefty fine, and that was to kill the animal trainer. Luckily, he changed his mind and asked me to go to dinner with him. How could I refuse? I adore Chinese food!