29 January 1999 - STAGE HYPNOTIST
I have a new job as a stage hypnotist. It's good fun being a hypnotist, but it is no fun at all when the people I hypnotise later die of respiratory complications. However, this has only happened to me five times.
The worst thing that has happened to me was when I accidentally hypnotised the entire audience, and then forgot how to wake them up. I had little choice but to leave them there and go home. Luckily, only two of them died of respiratory complications.
30 January 1999 - STAGE HYPNOTIST
Sometimes when I'm rehearsing my hypnotism routine, I practise on myself in the mirror. This can lead to some complicated situations, like the other day when I'd hypnotised myself into believing that the local vicar was a wanted criminal, forgetting that the vicar was coming over for tea!
I tried to distract the vicar for as long as possible, while simultaneously trying to catch him with a big butterfly net. Eventually he got fed up with my behaviour, and went home.