23 October 1998 - BIG TOMATO
I have cultivated what I believe to be the biggest tomato of all time. It is approximately the size and weight of a small boy. In addition it as red as the sun at dusk.
I have paid for an advert in the local paper, to tell people of my tomato. The advert runs: "NOTICE! OBSERVE MY EXCELLENT TOM' - NOT FOR SALE." It is accompanied by a black and white photograph of the tomato, and a box of matches for scale.
24 October 1998 - BIG TOMATO
Last night I cut my giant tomato in half, and I was astonished by what I found running through the centre - the seeds quite clearly spelt out the words: "JIM DAVIDSON FTYUDJD". Though I am not certain of the relevance of the latter word, nor its meaning, "JIM DAVIDSON" is clearly a reference to the popular Big Break host and blue comedian.
I took the tom' for scientific tests, and it was conclusively proved that this is a miracle of some kind.