30 October 1998 - CROW MUSEUM
I'm convinced that I can finally make my fortune with my new crow museum - Europe's largest collection of crow skeletons and related ephemera.
I've set the museum up in a two-man tent in my back garden, so visitors are only admitted two at a time, and have to crawl or slither inside. While this may sound inconvenient, it simply adds to the impact of the exhibit. The walls and flaps of the tent are covered with crow bones, and pictures of crows. It's probably the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
31 October 1998 - CROW MUSEUM
I've been disappointed by the response thus far to my crow museum. The only visitors I've had in the last three days were a coach party of Japanese tourists who were looking for the cow museum down the road.
I managed to deceive them for about two minutes, telling them that the exhibitions in my museum were cow embryos, but they got wise when one of the tourists noticed the crows' beaks. They immediately demanded their money back and pushed me into a bush.
2 November 1998 - CROW MUSEUM
I've decided to expand upon my crow museum with the hope that a broader focus will draw more visitors in. My new sign now reads "Crow Museum Incorporating Spooky Adventure + Ride". The Adventure Ride consists of visitors riding an exercise bike in the cupboard under my stairs, while I whip their faces with a mop.
To intensify the experience, I play my Jean-Michel Jarre tapes at full volume. Things don't get much more exciting or spooky than Jean-Michel Jarre.