14 August 2001 - BRASS BAND
Hello. I've got a new job playing drums in a big brass band tiddle-om-pom-pom. It's my job to hit my big bass drum in time with the trumpets tiddle-umpet-fumpuss.
However, my first public performance didn't go too well, when I somehow missed my bass drum completely, and walloped flautist Garth Ankle in the eye with my special hitting stick.
The bad thing was, I kept doing it, and by the end of the performance, Garth was little more than a pulp, lying crumpled in the gutter.
15 August 2001 - BRASS BAND
It's a lot of fun playing a big bass drum in a brass band, but I sometimes feel that my choice of instrument is making me something of a social pariah among my wind instrument-playing peers.
For instance, last night, I tried to speak to a group of trumpet players, and one of them rammed a fist through the skin of my drum, and another took my drumsticks and drooled on them.
I tried to laugh it off, but nobody else was laughing. In fact, they were swearing and throwing bricks at me.
16 August 2001 - BRASS BAND
It's not so much fun playing in a big brass band. In fact, it's really rubbish. My fellow bandmates make me sleep inside my drum at night, while they get expensive-looking "ham-mocks".
Not only that, but they get to sleep in their ham-mocks in the relative safety of a meadow, whereas I'm forced to bunk in the gorilla enclosure of a local zoo.
Also, the gorilla, Foynt, spends all night hammering on the skin of my drum with a toy cutlass.