The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Coconut Farm


21 February 2001 - COCONUT FARM

Hello everyone. I've been away working on a novel about cows, but now I'm back - back for all to see! I've got a new job now, working on a coconut farm. It's hard work, but surprisingly rewarding.

My employer, Charles Wilson, has taught me all manner of new skills. I've learned how to grip the husk of a coconut between my teeth, and poke its eyes out with my tongue, and I've learned how to grip the husk of a coconut with my knees and poke its eyes out in another way. I can't get enough of that sweet coconut milk!

22 February 2001 - COCONUT FARM

It's a lot of fun working on this coconut farm, but I've recently become disillusioned by the apparent lack of any coconuts. My employer, Charles Wilson, has tried to compensate by suspending hedgehogs from the branches of our trees, but once you get up close it's obvious what they really are.

That said, I got a trifle tipsy the other night, and in my confused state attempted to drink coconut milk from one of the little fellers. Suffice to say, the resultant mouthful of prickles and fleas failed to quench my thirst.

23 February 2001 - COCONUT FARM

I've got some terrible news to report: my employer, Charles Wilson, has been forced to close the coconut farm. It all started when, disillusioned by our profound inability to grow coconuts, he decided to turn it into an ostrich farm. He bought six ostriches, and let them loose in the field. Unfortunately, we had the coconut inspector visiting the same day. He took one look at the birds and freaked out, believing our 'nuts had grown wings, heads and legs, and were walking around. The inspector immediately declared the farm "unsafe".

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