God Of Shopping
24 July 1999 - GOD OF SHOPPING
I've got a new job as Shopseus, the Greek god of shopping and retail. It's my job to stroll around shops, blessing customers, and ensuring everything runs smoothly by using my special powers.
Yesterday I hung out in the garden furniture section of my local DIY store, empowering customers with my divine fairy dust, which I keep in a carrier bag. Unfortunately, one of the customers complained after some of it went into his eye, and I was escorted from the premises.
26 July 1999 - GOD OF SHOPPING
I'm the new Greek god of shopping, so I've been hanging around the off-licence at the top of my road, blessing any would-be drunks who go inside. Unfortunately, the owner of the off-licence, Mr Watson, calls me a trouble-maker, and has twice tried to move me on.
Using my divine powers, I attempted to calm him with a hand on the forehead. This just seemed to make him more mad, so instead I just hit him over the head with a plank of wood and stole a bottle of gin.