4 April 1998 - IN PURGATORY
It's all well and good being a community policeman, but now I've had to stop being one because I got shot and killed. Now I'm having to spend the rest of eternity in Hell - which is an awful place.
For starters, I'm having to share a chalet with the Brazilian equivalent of The Chuckle Brothers. The Chuckles are bad enough when you can understand what the ugly freaks are saying, but even worse when all they do is perform their routines in Brazilian, or whatever it is they're speaking.
6 April 1998 - IN PURGATORY
I really hate being in Hell. They make us work ten hours a day here, doing all sorts of menial paperwork. Honestly - this kind of thing is below me. I don't want to spend the rest of eternity filing bought ledger receipts and computer print-outs.
I wouldn't mind if the social life was up to scratch, but there's only one pub down here, The Vet and Pumpkin, and it's usually full of Greeks and Brazilians. I'm also sick of the smell of sulphur, and having to avoid the spontaneous fires that spring up.