1 April 1998 - COMMUNITY COPPER
After just one day I’ve stopped being a student. I have instead got a job as a community policeman. It’s my responsibility to promote good karma within my local area.
I have already posted feathers and flowers - both a symbol of peace - through letter boxes all across the estate. That isn’t to say my methods have worked instantly : last night I had to stop a gang of youths from tipping a cow into the gutter, and I caught an elderly gentleman rustling a bush. These sick individuals must be stopped.
2 April 1998 - COMMUNITY COPPER
Being a community policeman is excellent, because I get to ride a bike. I can already ride it one - handed, and pretty soon I’m going to try riding it with no hands, by just holding onto the back of my seat. And then I’m going to pop some wheelies!
I’m confident that the better I can ride my bicycle, the less crime there will be in the area. After all, would - be criminals are just as likely to want to watch me riding about as they are to burgle houses and that.
3 April 1998 - COMMUNITY COPPER
It’s all well and good being a community policeman, but sometimes, I get asked to do stuff which has nothing to do with me. Take last night for instance, I was called to the house of one Mrs Edith Bing, who told me that her husband had fallen down the stairs and bust his face up.
I don’t know what she expected me to do - I’m no paramedic. When she began pleading for help I got really annoyed and just shouted at her to take him to hospital. The next thing I know, I’ll be asked to tackle a fire.