Joke Shop Owner
15 September 2000 - JOKE SHOP OWNER
I've got a new job running a small joke shop. Let me tell you - every day is a laugh in this shop! Some of the practical jokes we sell make me laugh no matter how often I play them on unsuspecting customers.
My favourite joke is the Trick Pickled Onion Jar. When a customer approaches, I loosen the lid and throw the whole lot over him! Actually, I haven't been brave enougn to try this trick on a customer yet, so I've just been trying it out on passers-by. Amazingly, I've only been punched in the face twice!
18 September 2000 - JOKE SHOP OWNER
It's excellent running this small joke shop - every day is a bigger laugh than the last! Yesterday, for instance, I had a group of German tourists in here who were most amused by my homemade-style joke paint.
I made the paint by basically chopping up a couple of onions, and crumbling some biscuits, and mixing it into a tin of one coat Dulux emulsion.
When I demonstrated the paint on my own hand, one of the tourists quite literally laughed until he was sick!
19 September 2000 - JOKE SHOP OWNER
I've been having a lot of fun designing my own practical jokes to sell in my joke shop. My best-seller is "The Scorpius" - my home-made joke scorpion.
I made The Scorpius out of papier-mache, and though it looks like an unconvincing fake scorpion, when the victim picks it up he gets stung by a live wasp concealed in its abdomen.
Admittedly, I've had trouble catching the wasps, and on a few occasions have resorted to covering real-live scorpions in papier-mache.
20 September 2000 - JOKE SHOP OWNER
It's a lot of fun running a joke shop, because I get to play jokes on my customers, with a reduced chance of prosecution.
I have further reduced my chance of prosecution by dressing as a police constable, and standing in the corner of my shop, not serving customers or playing jokes on them.
Though this has resulted in a marked drop in profits, cases of shoplifting have all but ceased. Also, I get to make funny hissing noises, and customers are too scared to ask why.
21 September 2000 - JOKE SHOP OWNER
My joke shop has been closed down by environmental health officers, who declared my fake doggy doo to be real doggy doo, and decided that my fake sick wasn't fake enough.
I knew those guys were going to be trouble the minute they threatened me with the police, after I threw a bucket of rotten heron waste at them.
Honestly, some people just don't have a sense of humour. They didn't even laugh when I did my special dance.