The Man With A Long Chin's Diary

 

Landscape Designer

15/6/96-21/6/96

15 June 1996 - LANDSCAPE DESIGNER

I think I've got a talent for landscape gardening.

Consequently, I've set up a horticultural design consultancy called McGrath Consultancy. We aim to specialise in turning people's gardens into quarries, tar-pits, quaysides - you know the sort of thing.

I've taken on a part-time assistant to help me carry stuff about. His name is Julius St T-Shirt.


21 June 1996 - LANDSCAPE DESIGNER

I've been running a promotion this week to boost my garden scaping business.

For every plant I accidentally destroy, customers will receive a voucher entitling them to a free Baywatch stationery set. And for each time I accidentally block up a customer's lavatory with turf, I put on a free body-popping show.

I'll also pledge my allegiance to the souls of regular customers' ancestors.


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