10 JUNE 2016 - MALE STRIPPER
I've got a new job as a male stripper. I've been hired to attend the Queen's 90th birthday party later today.
I plan to turn up dressed as a Coldstream Guard. I'm going to jump out in front of Her Maj', push Prince Phillip to his knees, straddle him, then whip off my bearskin and uniform, while shouting "How's this for a bare foreskin, your Majesty?!"
She'll probably give a knighthood when she sees "it".