It may not have occurred to anyone before now, but Digi think about things other than games sometimes. They have opinions about stuff and that. Granted, they're mainly on rather obscure/stupid subjects, but you can't fault them for that. At least they consider the world around them in some way. The following lists showed up within the chart pages and on The Man's diary over the years, as the Digi fellers' strange trains of thought sped through the Station Of Consciousness - manifesting themselves in ten conscise points about whatever bizarreness they happened to have on their mind at the time...

TEN THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE

1. Two dogs, but one is out of control
2. A brake on a path
3. The Turin strap
4. A sergeant running through a jungle
5. An inflatable fire
6. Disposable icons
7. A ferret with a bit of froth on it
8. Someone carrying a bell
9. An astronaut with bushy eyebrows
10. A really good slide

Desires kindled in Moat. Swung at by Sorcerer


TOP TEN BEST MEMBERS OF THE BEATLES

1. Pete Best
2. Stuart Sutcliffe
3. Wotsit Farrz
4. Django Moonn
5. Placebo Gridd
6. Tuxedo Wangg
7. Gumbo Kayakk
8. Mungo Ajarr
9. Mayo Vass
10. Ringo Starr

Revolver censored by PLEP


TEN LITTLE-KNOWN MR MEN

1. Mr Aztec Camera
2. Mr Vodka
3. Mr Purity Controller
4. Mr Blow-Off
5. Mr Prisoner
6. Mr Gargoyle
7. Mr Knife
8. Mr Shatter-Skin
9. Mr Thong
10. Mr John Grahame

Hargreaves misled by Tramp


TEN SHAMED TV GLADIATORS

1. Perfick
2. Headmaster
3. Vacuum
4. Ball-Bearing
5. Pigston
6. Amadeus
7. Distemper
8. Myopia
9. Policeman
10. Corky

Shadow punished by Ref


TEN BANNED CABARET ACTS

1. Phillip Ethon’s Nocturnal Swine
2. The Muslin Brothers
3. El Spasm
4. The Drunken Woman
5. Icicle James
6. Stuart The Little Bachelor
7. Dickie Hedges And “Dribbler”
8. Dickie Hedges And “Nick-Nack”
9. Dickie Hedges And “Dipesh”
10. Dickie Hedges And “Monitor”

Artists imprisoned by Beak


TEN UNSUCCESSFUL CLOWNS

1. The Angel Of Death
2. Honker
3. David Carlyle
4. Stink-Waist
5. The Freshie Bonus
6. Mr Giant Pig-Trousers
7. Electric First
8. Profanity James
9. Fizzer
10. Professor Vodka

Buckets filled with Fluff. Thrown at Poodles


TEN COUGH MIXTURES FROM AROUND THE WORLD

1. Das Hack-Itt – Austria
2. Breath-Non – Luxembourg
3. Hola Pola-Throat – Portugal
4. Shut Off! – Lebanon
5. Tikell-Storm – Singapore
6. Health Bonus – North Korea
7. Mukus Finish – Turkey
8. Mountain Brand – Sri Lanka
9. Pop-Pop Drops – Jersey
10. Laser Brand – Sri Lanka

Linctus mixed with Ale


TEN NEW TV MEDICAL DRAMAS

1. Debbie Goblin, MD
2. Doctor In Utero
3. Blood Brothers
4. The Queen’s Swann
5. Crimson Tide
6. Srub Up, Scrubbers!
7. Surgery Of Love
8. The Brown Doctors
9. Stitch-It
10. Dr Lason, Medical Knickers

Patients ignored by Vet


THE TOP TEN DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

1. A brake on a path
2. Two climbers Frenching
3. Three lawnmower men learning
4. Four furnaces with eyes
5. Five gi-ant bras!
6. Six spiders walking about
7. Seven salmon screaming
8. Eight lumps a-lumping
9. Nine tent-flaps opening
10. Ten tellies turning into hives

Lords loved by swans


TEN GIFTS REJECTED BY THE THREE WISE MEN

1. Premier League crisps
2. Colouring book
3. Steven Fry’s “The Liar”
4. Connect 4
5. Joke wobbly beer glass
6. Charlatans CD
7. “Spaceman Matey” bubble-bath
8. “Street Combat” Action Man
9. Torvill & Dean video

Infant housed in Manger


TEN FAILD CABARET MAGIC ACTS

1. David Le Impact
2. Necrosis
3. Dickie Hedges And Paresh
4. The Smashers
5. For Whom The Bell Tolls
6. Barnaby And Sons
7. The Incredible Horshume
8. The Spectacle Of Magnets
9. Vincent C. Terror
10. Dickie Hedges And Horshume

McGee sawn by Daniels


TOP TEN CHRISTMAS ACCIDENTS

1. Full-on tree-swallowing
2. Turkey creates vacuum: sucks you in
3. Bauble-oral
4. Lucy in the fire with presents
5. Quality Street tin has a scorpion in
6. Brandy butter gets venom put in it
7. Wrapping paper knocks radio over
8. Nan jumps up and down on you
9. Toys come to life by accident
10. More bauble-oral

Manger bust by Lions


TEN HEALTHY ALTERNATIVES TO BUTTER

1. Wet sand
2. Marzipan
3. Post-It notes
4. Phlegm
5. Eggy water
6. Pate
7. Fish fat
8. Bone paste
9. Sunflower margarine
10. Soya spread

Sponsored by Mr Bread


TEN FAILD CABLE TV CHANNELS

1. The Potato Channel
2. SDTV (Sausage Dog Television)
3. Tramps On Glue
4. UK Cigars
5. The Lorry Channel
6. UK Brown
7. Cark TV
8. Channel Beltane
9. Bradent!
10. The Burst Pig Bladder Channel

C1 seen by No-One


TOP TEN FISH & CHIP SHOPS

1. Plaice Of Worship
2. Cod On The Rock
3. Stupid Boy Pike’s
4. Cod In Heaven
5. Fanny Haddock’s
6. Roe, Roe, Roe With Chips
7. Softly Softly Eat-Ee Scampi
8. Pump Up The Bass
9. Eels Are Good
10. Shrimps’ Tea Party

Grease smeared on Beale


TEN LINES CUT FROM THE PHANTOM MENACE

1. "Where's the toilet on this thing?"
2. "Darth Vader? Here? In my bed?"
3. "Sorry, Jabba. I thought that was your mouth."
4. "Why did you have to drop our guns in that pot of cooking oil? I can't keep hold of mine now."
5. "But I'm not wearing any trousers."
6. "Curse this space arthritis!"
7. "I bet I can run through that solid brick wall."
8. "If you're a Jedi, why are you wearing that Radiohead T-shirt?"
9. "I bet this never happened to Flash Gordon."
10. "Stop it. I'm really drunk."


TEN REASONS WHY VAMPIRES ARE RUBBISH

1. They have no reflection, hence they must take a chance on their hair
2. They are unable to eat Chicken Kiev
3. One silver bullet can kill them. No, wait that's hunchbacks, or something...
4. They can turn into bats. So what? Humans can sunbathe
5. They think crosses are scary
6. They're also too scared to step over running water or something... what?
7. Their main method of attack is to bite someone
8. Vampires are stupid
9. And they probably stink
10. Stupid idiots


Do you know of any important moments from the annals of Digi history that have been omitted? If so, then mail me (superpage58@gmail.com) right now, man. Credit will be duly given for anything that gets put up.

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