This is the bit for people that visit the site regularly but have no idea what I've made changes to. I'm going to use this page to help you all out, so that you can see exactly what's new without having to waste your time wading through stuff that hasn't changed. You're also likely to find a few comments about stuff that's going on here and there, and the odd disclaimer/justification for stuff I've written on here to stop me being abused by you spiteful people. I'm great to you, aren't I? Please tell me why this is so, so that the pain in my head will stop.
This is what you came here for, so start reading or go away: it's not very interesting.
July 23rd 2001
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!! What's this?! Can it actually be that I've finally managed to update the site?! You're not dreaming. man - this is about as real and as saucy as it gets! I can only apologise for taking so long to get this done, so I will: sorry. It should'nt have taken so much time... but thanks to problems of a technical and personal nature, it just did, and stuff. I now live in the Real World, rather than the altered state of reality that is Studentland, plus I've had numerous PC-related cuss-ups (natch), and for much of last year I didn't have access to Teletext at all, thanks to a skanked-up remote control (and even now I am deprived of the joys of reveal). But now things can start to get more frequent again - or at least they will do eventually. You see, I'm in the process of moving house right now, so I won't be online for some weeks as of... later this morning, actually. But once I'm back from that things should get all tarty again for you good people. (Needless to say, any e-mail you send me won't get read or replied to for quite some time because of this, but do keep sending your great stuff in, man.)
As you've probably failed to notice, The Bluffer's Guide is no more. Well, in name anyway. It now exists under the title Digi For Idiots. See, I was angrily set upon by lawyers acting for the publishers of The Bluffer's Guide series of books. Turns out they thought people might mistake my little piece as being something under their "wing", when it clearly isn't, and so got in a bit of a strop and insisted that I change it. The idiots. If you want to see what they sent me (or the most excellent reply I spat in their faces), then just e-mail me-up and I'll get it off to you.
More news? Go look at the updated Scripts section of Digi For Idiots, to find out the exciting news about Biffo's eagerly-anticipated cartoon of Knife & Wife. It promises to be the event of the year, daddy! Oh, and fans of his previous book (such as myself) may want to know that Mr Hairs has recently had another two comedy travelogue books published.
So what's actually been done to the place, then? Well, I've added "Virtual" Eric, Computer Boy, F.Zealot, Anne Robinson and Edward Lear to the characters. New and old Man diaries, the 2000 and '97 Christmas Pant-Oh, new Mr T stuff, Edward Lear's limericks, plus a whole host of new film scripts, Man's Daddy jokes and quotes. Admittedly, it's not completely up to date, but there was enough for a sizeable update and I just didn't want to delay it any longer. I haven't yet added anything about the Digitiser Donkey, mainly thanks to my exile last year meaning I know next to nothing about him/it. So if any of you want to get me up to speed, that'd be just great. Once again I'm asking for any of your Man's Daddy-esque jokes, for the feature I talked about last time. Come on - there must be a few out there somewhere!
Everyone who's contacted me about getting on the links page has now been added - if you have a site of your own, then don't forget to take part in the famous "sordid, mutually-gratifying tryst thing" too, man. Oh, yes and I see the counter's almost up to the 10,000 landmark. Why not try to make suer that it's YOU who see that pretty string of zeros? Send me a screen-grab of the joyous event and there'll be a special prize in it for you (lie)! Finally, I give extra special thanks to all those of you who have provided simply lovely material for me to stick on here, or have just sent along words of encouragement and support. Principally, I'd liked to thank Jennifer Hall, John Gray, "R Frith", Robert Dawes, Tom Williams and Matt Barney with his much-celebrated Barken Productions. You guys know what for - I'm grateful to every last one of you big-time. Awwww, shucks, man! Now shut up and go see what you can find, Brian.
September 18th 2000
Listen, right: I am sorry about the frequency of updates here, but there's just not much I can do about it at the moment. Things won't be this skanked-up for ever, so let's all pray to Burt Reynolds that the goodness is restored in the not-so-far-off future. Anyways, there are new quotes, X-Files and Star Wars scripts, Mr T's Problem Page extracts and Man Diary stories. I've also added a few of you guys to the Friends Of... section of the links (hint, hint to those of you who have said that the link will be there soon) - and don't worry, I'll sort out little descriptions for them pretty soon. Hopefully there should be another update before the end of the week - I'm working on a new feature, which isn't quite finished yet, but will "sauce" you up to the max. And there's a real big clue in that, man. Finally, I'm thinking of starting a "Your Jokes: Here" section, for anyone who thinks they're the Man's Daddy. Send stuff in, guy, and if it makes my buzzer go off, I'll stick it up. "Chow" for now...
This update was brought to you with the following soundtrack:
The Delgados - 'The Great Eastern', Bellatrix - 'It's All True', The High Fidelity - 'Demonstration', Pixies - 'Doolittle', JJ72 - 'JJ72'
July 5th 2000
A relatively anaemic update this time in comparison with the last few, I'm afraid. There's the regular spurt of new Man Diary extracts, the rest of the evil crow X-Files scripts, and a few new quotes. Plus I've added Doctor Heinous to the characters, and cellotaped the recent Mr T's Problem Page features onto the T-page. Also: I've divided the Man's Daddy jokes into equally-sized pages, as with the quotes in the last update. Hopefully that should make it easier to scan through, and prevent your eyes from being sucked into your skull from "straining" too hard. I'm officially "da man"!
June 6th 2000
Again, I'm really sorry for the delay and everything. But hey: we got good stuff here, man! A lot of the credit for that must go to the increasingly-excellent Jonathan Cundey, who has done his lovely best to supply me with new Oasis Tribute Band and TV License Detective Man diaries. Needless to say, I've also put up the less archaic diary entries. New additions to the Bluffer's Guide: Nubby Nubby Nubby and Plugs, and I've gone through the whole thing and updated/lovelied-up the entries that needed it. New quotes, too, plus I've now split them into equally-sized, much more easily navigable pages.
Also: new Man's Daddy jokes, and numerous new film scripts (the all-new Spider-Man, Monkey Lament and Batman scripts, plus new additions to exisiting ones). I've also finally gotten around to updating the links, now including the sites of the lovely people that link to this site - just like I said I would, Brian. One more note: sorry to those that are missing the message board, but it was needlessly unpleasant on there and was reflecting badly on this site - I don't think it's been that great a loss. Finally, I'd just like to say that it's harder for me to get all the great quotes and stuff these days, what with my TV remote control having been busted-up some twelve years ago, or something. Feel free to send me in any you'd hate to miss seeing put up. Biffo probably still thinks I'm being lazy, though...
March 26th 2000
All the usual stuff (Man Diaries, quotes, Man's Daddy jokes and Superman scripts), plus I've also managed to scavenge a few pieces of salvage from the depths of the Net. You'll now find one extra, ancient Man Diary nestling amongst the rest - Oasis Tribute Band, from early '97. I've added a new entry to the Bluffer's Guide, too ("Censorship"), and added some illustrations to the entry about the Brown Trumpet awards. New additions to the characters: the new Pat Walker, and a screen grab of Dr. Triv. Also, you've no doubt noticed that I've finally got my act together and made a range of banners for those lovely people that want to link here. You can "thank" Robertster of alt.digitiser.snakes' persistant pleas for them for their arrival. If you do link me then let me know, guy. I'll finally be updating the links page soon, and you can have a mention under a sort of "friends of this site" type thing. Happy now?
February 27th 2000
Whew! Well, what can I say? Sorry. I know, I know: it's been a long time, but things are finally back on track now. I've been having continuous technical problems since December that've impeded me from updating the site, but hey: it's all better now. Okay, so what've I done - well what haven't I done?! Take a look anywhere on the site and you'll probably find something new. It's got a sac full of Man Diary stories and scripts (including the 1999 Digitiser Pant-Oh, Superman, Godzilla, X-Files, Star Wars...), countless (lie) new quotes, a bunch of new Man's Daddy Jokes, Mr T-ups and new characters. I've also added the interview that Biffo recently gave to DC-UK, plus I've just "run" a general "finger" over the whole site to keep everything lovely. Love it up good, you tarts.
December 9th '99
Big birthday edition! That's right; Super Page 58 was born two years ago today, which gives me the opportunity to sit back with a stupidly gratified smile on my face. Oh, but that's not all! We have an big update here for you: firstly, thanks to the ever-lovely J.R. Cundey, there are now literally "loads" of old Man Diaries from a few years ago, plus the more recent ones. Also in your "box" this time, theres new T-me-do's, quotes, Man's Daddy jokes and I've added Daddy Cool and Batman & Robin to the Character Assasination. And finally: the Superman V scripts and Tomb Raider: The Movie screenplay are both now nestling comfortably in the lap of Man-erisms (yes, I know the TR screenplay wasn't on the Man Diary page; but that was the most appropriate place for it. So don't be such a churlish pedant, you Churlish Pedant).
November 19th '99
What have I got for you lovely people, I (don't) hear you ask? Well, there's a whole load of new quotes been vomited into the Digi-U-Like latrene, whilst I've also put up the King Kong 2 scripts, and Changing Rooms Man Diaries. Also: Man's Daddy jokes both old and new, thanks to J.R. Cundey's "blast" from the past. I also added the visage of Insincere Dave to the characters page, and "tinkered" about with the Bluffers Guide, to make it less rubbishly-spelt.
November 6th '99
Big wait = big update. Along with all the usual bumph (new quotes, Man's Daddy jokes & Rapping Shoe raps), there's the Jaws 7 scripts and Man Diary stories. Plus it's all had a damn good spring clean - it's easier to navigate the Man Diary and Man-erisms indexes now that I've made proper menus for them. Plus I've balanced out the quotes pages by moving a few from the second page to the first, and created a bunch of Rapping Shoe images rather than text to make the site more "easy on the eye". Also: as you've probably noticed, there is now a message board for you to yap your flapping tongues away on, plus a lovely little thing that'll "give you one". An email when this site is updated, that is. What did you think I meant? You vulgarian.
October 20th '99
A bilge full of new quotes has been added and awaits your jaundiced stare, while I've also stuck up the latest Man Diaries and Jurassic Park III scripts. There are new Man's Daddy jokes, too, and Enigmatic Pete is now residing with his obscene friends on the characters page. That do you? Cha!
October 3rd '99
Ooooh, big treat time. Go on over to the Bluffer's Guide, and you can see all manner of lovely Digi scans from Super Control. Under "Colaboration" you'll find not only the very first edition of "A Long Chin Of What You Fancy" - The Man's comic strip, but also the Digi fellas "arsing" around doing all sorts of stupid challenges, and that. Why, you even get to see a cartoon tribute to them all, also from said papery mag, under (rather predictably) "Digi Fellas". Stop wasting my time and go there now, man. There's loads more, too. Look: new Man Diaries, Man's Daddy jokes, a whole host of new quotes, X-Files and Star Wars Episode 2 scripts and I've even managed to add illustrations of various characters. There are now effigys of The Evil Samaritan, Butch Jenkins, Chewbacca, Rollo Benny and a lovely scan of DIY Kelly what I did do. More than enough to smear your calves with, lech.
September 12th '99
Added the new Star Trek scripts, and updated the Man Diary archive. I've also added (a couple) of new quotes, and Rollo Benny to the character assasination. Lucky you: there's even some new entries in the Bluffer's Guide - "Grammar"; "Man-gate" and "Tramps". Nice to see the site's profile being kept up with another mention on Digi. Aaah, there's nothing like a nice ego boost to stop you from sitting in the middle of the road....
August 30th '99
August 11th '99
Sorry for the delay in the update, but I couldn't do "it" on Saturday, as the lovely Brighton & Hove Albion were beating Mansfield 6-0 at home. Heh-heh. It took me a while to recover from THAT one, I can tell you. Anyway, new quotes, Man Diary stories, Man's Daddy jokes, and a couple of extra characters (Balls For Eyes and Soccerman 2001) have all been added. Also, thanks to the re-emergence of Mr Cheese, I now have in my posession a copy of the papery mag from '93 which featured the Digi fellas doing all manner of filthy "stuff", as well as a Man With A Long Chin cartoon strip, featuring some snakes. I'll put some of it up as soon as I can get my hands on a scanner.
New Man Diary entries, plus a "special edition" quote and Man's Daddy jokes courtesy of Biffo. You can thank the Digi sub-editors for their not going out. New entry in the Bluffer's Guide - "E-mail", after I was reminded by David White of exactly why Digi had to stop printing e-mail addresses in full... Also added the latest offering from Mr T, and the Star Trek XIII Scripts. By the way, you may care not one iota, but you can currently see my review of R.E.M.'s 23/6/99 Earls Court gig at Biffo's new Bubblegun site. It really isn't all that rubbish, I promise. I'll hopefully be contributing more "stuff" to Bubblegun in the future. Cheers, Biff!
July 24th '99
Moved the Man Diary archive onto it's own page, as there are now enough extracts to justify that, whilst adding the latest entry. Ditto for Mr T - he's now on his own page, rather than being squashed at the end of the quotes. Also added the Titanic II scripts, a few new quotes, and sorted out the various broken images throughout the site. New entries in the Bluffer's Guide: "Moc-moc-a-moc", and "Weathermen".
July 17th '99
July 15th '99
Added the recent sci-fi related Man's Daddy jokes, plus some older ones that I found lying around in a drawer. The Robot Hire Shop and Clown Neighbours diaries are now up, too, along with some more quotes and T-stuff. Also, it looks as though the site has either been moved from it's old location on the server, or deleted. Whatever's the cause, I've somehow been unable to upload new files to it, so I apologise to anyone who has been unable to visit, or frustrated by the apparent lack of updates. I'll try to find out what the hell's going on, and if neccessary, move the sight onto my Freeserve account.
July 2nd '99
Added the final giant salamander Man Diary extract, plus the ET II scripts shown to date. Also, if you are, or want to be American, do not be offended by the introduction to the E.T. II scripts. You see - I don't really hate you all! It was just an ironic social comment on the need for Americans to feel superior to the British, and the need for the British to be irritated by how they're portrayed in US TV shows like Friends and Frasier. You see - it's all a lot of harmless fun, and if you don't think so, then you don't "get" it, which means that you have no sense of irony. You stupid no-irony having idiots.
June 27th '99
Bit of a delay in the update, I know, but I needed some time to recover from my exertions of wednesday night, when I saw R.E.M. play a blinding 28-song set at Earls Court. Sorry, I had to mention it. And yes, they were unbelievably excellent as it happens. Anyway, once my calves had recovered from all the jumping, and my voice became functional once more, I managed to update the Man Diary, Episode 1 scripts and quotes.
June 19th '99
Well as you can see I've managed to FTP updated pages in from home, so I'll be able to continue updating throughout the summer now. Added the Man Diary "entry" that I missed out yesterday, plus some more quotes. Added the latest Star Wars script from this weekend. Tidied up the quotes pages by shifting some from the second page onto the first, levelling the number on both (they weren't deleted).
June 18th '99
Added new quotes and Mr T stuff. Also updated the Man Diary archive, plus the new Star Wars scripts. The other day I managed to sort out that annoying login dialog box which used to appear - it shouldn't be a problem now. This could be the last update for a few months, unless I can sort out an FTP account with the University so that I can send updated pages from home. Oh well - we'll soon find out.
June 10th '99
Updated the quotes with a few extra things, as well as the latest offerings from Mr T. Added the latest Man Diary extract, and put up a couple of the Man's lists of stuff. Tried (and failed) to get a message board for the site working. That's not the last of that just yet, although if it still refuses to work after I've played about with it, then it may well be.
June 3rd '99
Added the final EastEnders scenes, and new Man's Daddy jokes. More quotes, plus a new section at the bottom of the second quotes page - "T-Time" showcasing the advice of Mr T, complete with an all-new T effigy, with him proclaiming the catchphrase from his old cartoon from the eighties - "Take it from me - Mr T!". Also gave a mention to Zombie Otaku in with the characters.
May 24th '99
Added the new Rapping Shoe raps, EastEnders scenes, and added a new quote to Digi-U-Like. Also added an image of one of The Snakes to the Character Assasination. Put a new entry in the Bluffer's Guide - "Irrelevant".
May 20th '99
Added a picture of The Man Who Taunts Fear to the Character Assasination. I did have to use a bit of artistic liscence to make it suitable, though (hope you don't mind, Biffo). Also added new quotes, and "Adverts" to the Bluffer's Guide.
May 18th '99
Added the latest Star Wars scripts and Man Diary entries, plus a new quote. Put The Pun-Meister and a bit about The Evil Samaritan into the Character Assasination. Added a few anchors to make it eaiser to find different bits. Not that you care about those though, you luddite.
May 13th '99
May 11th '99
Added today's Star Wars script & a Zombie Dave quote. Also inserted a new banner for the sub title on the index page. Added anchors to the Man-erisms pages so that you can get to the exact stuff you want with one click, as well as a direct link to the Brown Trumpet page at the official Digi site in the Bluffer's Guide.
May 10th '99
Added the latest Star Wars: Episode 1 scripts to Man-erisms, and inserted a pic of Biffo on the Bluffer's Guide, for illustrative purposes. Also added "Scripts" and "Monkeys" to said feature. Also, I've discovered that for some reason an annoying dialog box asking for login name and password keeps popping up. I don't know why this should be - I'm going to get the Administrator to sort it out, but it's not that bad - just click cancel and you're in. Also, some of you have been saying that you'd like to nominate this site for an award - well now's your chance. Just click here to log onto the 1999 Yell UK Web Awards, where you can nominate my humble site for an award (most likely would be "best pesonal site" - I can't exacrly compete with big corporations).
May 6th '99
Updated quote archive, and created new Relapse animated gif in the same way as on 4/5/99. Now with a transparent background and a smaller file size. I also added a nice new title header, rather than just having text. More to follow.
May 4th '99
Created new Ian Beale animated gif for the Rapping Shoe page. Smaller with a transparent backgound and new phrases: "Sweet!"; "D'you want me to tear you another arse?"; "I'm back - I'm back in denim"; and "I'm a lovely guy, but I can be very, very naughty". That last one was inspired by the character of Buller from Comdey Nation. I gave the same treatment to Tony Robinson, as well. Also updated the Man Diary archive and quotes, and finally got around to adding The Good Samaritan to the Character Assasination.
April 29th '99
Updated the Man Diary archive, added the recent dictionary definitions, and added more quotes. Also entered the true identity of Mr Hairs under Digi Fellas in the Bluffer's Guide. This handy piece of irrlelevance was obtained by searching for his new book, Frost On My Moustache.
April 27th '99
Added new quotes, updated Man Diary archive, added recent Man's Daddy jokes (including those sent by readers). Made a couple of small changes to some of the entries in the Bluffers Guide. Restored the broken link to Biffovision.
April 21st '99
Added Prints, Wyatt Earp & Josef Engels, The Man Who Taunts Fear and Mr Hurlie and his Curly Pearlies to the Character Assasination. Also inserted illustrative scans of various Digi characters, for which I got permission from Biffo. New quotes, and diary entries also put in.
Copyright © Chris Bell 1997. All Rights Lovingly Fondled.